3.2 The Consultation
Your first meeting with a couple is a consultation, and can be as formal or informal as you’d like. This is when you’ll get to know each other, and talk about the couple’s vision and expectations for the ceremony.
The consultation is the most important part of the ceremony planning process, and it should happen as early as possible. Here are the 4 things you should talk about during the consultation:
1. Ceremony Details
First, you’ll need to gather details to help you get an idea of the ceremony and its timeline. You’ll need to discuss things like the date and location, any unity rituals or traditions they might want to include, and who will be writing the vows. (Try to put all of these elements in chronological order, too, just like they will happen on the wedding day, to estimate the timing.)
You might discover that it’s not possible to include everything the couple has in mind, either for time or practicality constraints, so use this consultation to define the “needs” and “wants” of the ceremony.
No matter the size or scope of the wedding, you should always have a conversation with the couple about their overall ceremony expectations!
2. Fees and Payment Policies
If you’re charging money to officiate in a professional capacity, your fees and payment policies should be clarified as soon as possible to maintain transparency. It’s important to be upfront about things like rates, rehearsal fees or additional travel costs.
We’ll talk more about setting rates later, but understand that as a professional, it’s perfectly acceptable to discuss your compensation. After all, officiating is a service, and it requires time, effort, knowledge, and talent!
3. The Marriage License
One of the most important things you should know as a wedding officiant is how to handle the marriage license. Not just how to fill it out and file it, but also how to guide your couples through the process of obtaining their marriage license. As a professional, it’s your job to know how and where to apply for it, and to be aware of any waiting periods, or other local policies.
Applying for the marriage license is the couple’s responsibility, so you’ll need to confirm that they’re aware of their obligations, and offer a deadline for when they must have it ready and in-hand prior to the wedding.
4. Follow Up
Depending on the ceremony, you may need to arrange follow-up sessions to gather additional information. You might need to ask the couple some more questions, and talk to them about their vows — maybe even one-on-one — and speak with any family or friends who will be helping with special readings or rituals.
Once you’ve learned enough details to have a better idea of what and who is involved, you can create an outline of the ceremony, confirm all of the roles, and establish deadlines.
Ongoing communication is key, and ultimately it’s up to you and your couples to decide when and how often follow-ups should happen to keep the ceremony creation on track.
After this initial consultation, you’ll be able to determine whether you’ll be a suitable fit as their officiant. Keep in mind that some couples will meet with several officiants in order to find the right one, so if you aren’t their first choice, don’t get discouraged!
“Not every couple is going to be a good fit – and that’s okay!”
– AMM Minister Mathew Anderson, aka The Vow Guy